the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
