i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
