FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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