Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
A bitchslap is in order.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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