Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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