I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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