R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
