i would punch a child for taco bell
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
