I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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