I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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