someone threw a dead crab at me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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