Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize