I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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