Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
