If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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