I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
