Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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