I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
