You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
