Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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