I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
