Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
