I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
