Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
