i wish starbucks made bloody marys
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
