dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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