Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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