is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
