I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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