dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
