I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
