called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
