It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize