the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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