we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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