I hate all girls vehemently.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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