They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
