Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
