They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
