thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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