He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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