dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize