I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
