We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
