Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
