so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We need to get me chipped asap
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
