We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize