Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
