meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
