I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
