All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
