Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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