4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
