clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
