Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize