My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
