I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
