So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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