I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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