its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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