tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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