guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
