Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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