i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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