his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
