Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
