The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
