well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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