its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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